Dear Joe,

Why do I still continue to love him even though I know for a fact that he sees only sees me as his friend and that he is loving someone else already? I have looked for answers for the last two years and yet until now, I haven't found any. Marvin and I were schoolmates during our elementary years. we're not really close. Actually, we don't even talk to each other. I guess it's a sign of us being too young. When we reached highschool, he transferred to another school but we still see each other during Sunday's at mass. Still, no communication whatsoever happened. Our friendship just started when we got to first year college. We haven't seen each other for almost a year then because I heard he finished his high school in the States. When I saw him again, I barely noticed him. He has changed. He looked better than ever. I later on discovered that we are in the same group of friends. Since then, we were constantly going out with friends and he even comes to my place for some notes he wasn't able to copy. I admired him for his sense of humor. He's also very responsible and a real gentleman. My admiration for him grew and before I knew it, I was already in love with him. I 've shared this with my friends about it but they never took me seriously. They treated me like a child just looking for some love. But, I was more than that. I am a woman in love. For a year, I hid my feelings for him because I was scared to loose the only thing I have of him, and that is his friendship. We later on left our school to transfer to another to pursue the courses we really like. It was heartbreaking for me because he will be away from me. But there's nothing I can do but to accept it and hold on to my love. We kept in touch for the first few months. Both of us were adjusting to the new environment we have. We were away from our friends and we only have each other to count on just in case something bad happens. After a while, I am barely receiving messages from him. I just assumed that he was busy in school. I didn't mind him only texting me twice or thrice a month. Well at least, he still remembers me. It was July of last year since he last sent me a message. I was worried. He didn't greet me on my birthday, even christmas and new year. I had no idea what was happening. I felt like he slowly kept distance with me. I was able to talk to a friend of ours a few weeks ago. We talked about relationships she's been and everything that has happened to some of our friends. Then, she brought out the topic about Marvin. Just hearing his name made music to my ears. My friend said, "He's got himself a girl." Joe, I felt my world fell apart upon hearing the news. Tears come rushing down my cheeks and I found myself in deep silence. I wasn't able to utter a single word for a while. I knew my friend was freaking out because of my reaction to what she said. It's only then that she took me seriously about my feelings for Marvin. I went home confused and hurt. I did not commit myself into any relationship because I was waiting for him. I wanted to keep myself free for him, and this is what I get. It's not that I'm having regrets. It was a choice I made I whole heartedly what ever laid ahead. I knew that this was one of the many faces of love. I enjoyed the feeling while it's there. I later on decided to get over him. I thought I was doing fine. I thought I'm doing alright. Until one Sunday morning during mass, I saw him and felt my world fell apart for the second time. It was more hurting to see him and to realize that he's got someone else. I was fighting my tears from falling throughout the mass. It's then that I realized I can't let go. I hope she's making him really happy. I hope she won't make him cry. Marvin is my baby until now. I wanted to start letting go of my memories of him but everytime I do, a part of me dies. If I tell him I love him, i might loose him completely. But if i don't, I'm keeping myself hanging from this love and this pain. I don't know if there's a word more worst than confused and hurt because if there is, then that's what I'm feeling. I'm caught somewhere in time. I'm wanting my past to be my future because in my past, I'm near him. Please enlighten my mind and help me heal my soul.

Sincerely Yours,
Dianne